In your 20s, life often feels like a race to become someone. Fresh out of college, many of us begin defining our worth through job titles, company names, and paychecks. At social gatherings or reunions, the most common question tends to be: “What do you do?” Slowly, identity becomes tied to achievement, and validation comes from parents, peers, and supervisors.

During this phase, it’s easy to prioritize fitting in over tuning in. Many people later describe this time as one where they learned to please others—sometimes at the cost of their own needs. The curiosity, creativity, and risk-taking that once felt natural can fade as we step into socially valued roles. While this adjustment is often necessary to survive in competitive environments, it can quietly disconnect us from the sense of purpose that once guided us.

Avinash, a successful financial analyst, came to therapy in his late 30s feeling emotionally exhausted. On the surface, his life appeared fulfilling—career growth, financial stability, international travel, and a supportive family. Yet internally, he felt stuck in a repetitive loop of responsibilities. Each day felt like a checklist rather than a lived experience.

What troubled Avinash most was that he couldn’t identify a “reason” for feeling this way. As therapy progressed, he realized that although his achievements were real, they didn’t align with the life he had once imagined for himself. The constant drive for “more” left him feeling suffocated rather than satisfied. Vacations offered temporary relief, but the emptiness returned once routine resumed.

He also carried guilt—about living far from his hometown and not being as emotionally available to loved ones. Like many high-functioning individuals, Avinash had learned to validate others before himself. Honouring his own needs felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

With time, he began making small but meaningful changes. He reintroduced movement and play into his life through activities like pickleball and hiking. He learned to set gentler boundaries at work and became more intentional with his time. His idea of rest shifted—from fast-paced trips focused on consumption to quieter experiences in nature that allowed space to pause and reflect.

At times, slowing down felt like losing a part of his youth. Yet he gradually reframed this belief—realizing that slowing down was not about giving up, but about processing life more fully. While external stressors didn’t disappear, his ability to respond to them changed. He felt calmer, more emotionally regulated, and more present.

Interestingly, as Avinash stopped people-pleasing, his relationships deepened. His family noticed more joy, energy, and authenticity in him. Therapy helped him reconnect with who he was becoming, rather than who he thought he needed to be. Looking back, he shared that he wished he had sought therapy earlier—not because something was “wrong,” but because he needed space to understand himself.

Psychological and emotional growth is inevitable, yet deeply personal. It is a continuous process of rediscovering who you are and clarifying the purpose that guides your life. As psychologist Adam Grant suggests, growth involves moving from being a “taker” to becoming a “giver”—not in service of external approval, but from a place of internal alignment. Rather than drifting through life, one can choose to move

with intention. Ultimately, it is about truly seeing oneself, rather than striving to be seen by others.

Therapeutic Techniques Readers Can Try:

1. Values Clarification

Ask yourself:

• What matters to me beyond success and approval?
• Which parts of my life feel aligned, and which feel performative?

Write down your top 5 values and notice whether your daily routine reflects them.

2. Boundary Awareness

Notice moments when you say “yes” out of guilt or fear of disappointing others. Practice pausing before responding and ask:

• Do I have the capacity for this right now?

Boundaries are not rejection—they are self-respect.

3. Nervous System Regulation

Burnout often lives in the body. Try:

• Slow breathing (inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6 seconds)
• Gentle movement like walking, stretching, or swimming
• Spending time in nature without distractions

4. Identity Check-In

Journal once a week:

• Who am I becoming?
• What parts of myself feel neglected?
• What do I need more of right now?

This helps shift identity from achievement-based to self-connected.

5. Reframing Productivity

Challenge the belief that rest equals laziness. Rest can be active (movement, creativity) or quiet (stillness, reflection). Both are essential