Shrradha Sidhwani

Rohit, 28 years old, marketing executive labeled himself an introverted personality right from childhood. With very few friends in school and college he kept investing his time either in books or gaming applications. In the adult world everything from applying for a job to the interview process was overwhelming. He had extreme anxiety about being judged negatively. If he made a mistake or an error during the interview process, he would embarrass himself. He had consistently avoided social situations where he was judged and evaluated by people. Thus, taking part in theater plays, school events or sports day was never his preference. In college, he stayed at home away from college fests and did not participate in inter-college competitions. Although, he was academically strong his entire journey was shaped such that he would avoid any form of confrontation. If there was a process through which Rohit could have been able to acquire a job without the formal interview process, he would ecstatic. However, Rohit knew that there was no escape from the interview.

As the interview appointments approached, Rohit felt sick with stomach pain. He complained of headaches, palpitations and reported feeling dizzy. Rohit continued this pattern of avoidance until he realized that all his friends had already secured jobs. Rohit’s elder sister asked him to seek counseling. In therapy, Rohit defended his behavior saying he was introverted and shy from childhood. He avoided conversations unless when necessary. In therapy, his fears were identified and it took him three sessions to accept that he faced the fear of rejection, fear of judgment and fear of failure. Rohit’s personality had become avoidant due to these fears. In therapy, one of the first goals was to challenge his fear of rejection. Weekly goals were set. Rohit had to start initiating conversations and small talk with people he met in the community. Simple acts of greeting people during his daily walks, checking in on his grandparents and participating in WhatsApp group conversations were some activities that were highlighted. Slowly, Rohit accepted that by not initiating conversations, people were either way judging him. Rohit acknowledged that he lacked the emotional language to connect with people and while he took steps to communicate with friends and neighbors, he realized that some of his fears were exaggerated and irrational. During his 5th therapy session, he claimed that while his dad worked until the late hours, his mom was busy doing household chores. Over the weekends, his parents choose to either unwind with family dinner or movie. Dinner conversations were centered around topics of politics, work and future goals. He felt his childhood self was guarded, serious and fearful of his dad’s authoritative personality.

As he started communicating his feelings in therapy, he had realized that in the process of preventing himself from the judgment of others he had judged himself. He chose to let go and retrain his thinking style. He made a vow to move away from his procrastination and avoidant self to reconnect back to humanity. Although he was scared of attachments, he knew that he felt lonely and isolated by himself. Courageously, he chose to line up interviews and the more he faced disapproval, the more he learnt. He now accepted his new self, the one who wanted to face the uncertainty and disappointment and free himself of the pressure to be accepted. He now chose to let go of the worry of ‘fitting in’ and realized how important it was to ‘stand out’ in the world. He accepted his uniqueness, his capacity to socialize and set reasonable boundaries so that he was not overwhelmed. Rohit’s interpretation of the personality inventory revealed that he was an ambivert and he had leadership abilities. In the next five years Rohit headed the digital marketing vertical and coordinated with a team of 15 people under him.

Many individuals state that personalities cannot be modified and people tend to hold on to who they are. Therapeutic practices provide evidence that clients do change and grow through their reflections. Change although difficult is the only element that is constant. Evaluating this process of self-defeating versus helpful behaviors can be a tiresome journey. One that may not be achieved quickly in therapy. One that the client may be defensive to change as he/she is so familiar and scared to let go of the old familiar self. Jim Rohn has stated that “your life does not get better by chance, it only gets better by change”. Embarking on the change requires one to slowly put one foot forward. Imagine yourself on the beach front. Just before you enter the ocean you are placing one foot forward to assess the temperature of the water and the depth of the ocean. Therapy is that one step forward towards change. Rohit walked into the therapeutic session not believing in change but walked out embracing behavioral changes. As its often stated “the only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance”.

Book recommendations:

• The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships. By Michael P. Nichols. 
• Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. By Susan Cain.
• Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better: Profound Self-Help Therapy for Your Emotions. By Albert Ellis. 

• Personality Styles